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SIXTY AND SIX Reasons Why Fingers Are Better
- You don't have
to smile at them afterwards.
- You don't have
to get out of bed to fetch them.
- They don't get
tired before you do.
- You always know
where your fingers have been.
- For variety, you
have ten to choose from.
- They are also useful
*out* of bed.
- You can stop if
you want to.
- Your fingers don't
want to meet your family.
- Your fingers don't
get jealous.
- Your fingers don't
smell.
- Your fingers won't
just fall asleep afterwards.
- Your fingers don't
want you to meet *their* family.
- You don't get jealous
of your fingers.
- Your fingers don't
mind if you fall asleep afterwards.
- Your fingers won't
let you down.
- Your fingers don't
want to watch a football match instead.
- Your mother won't
critisize your fingers.
- You can't get pregnant
from your fingers.
- Your fingers don't
need batteries.
- People aren't surprised
to find you have them.
- Fingers don't need
adaptors to covert American plugs to English ones (I've heard this can
be a problem).
- They don't shrink
afterwards.
- You always have
them with you.
- You can chew on
them when you are nervous.
- You can use more
than 1 at a time.
- They are agile.
- They'll never leave
you.
- You don't have
to make your fingers coffee in the morning.
- You can also use
them to clean the wax out of your ears.
- They want to when
you want to.
- They don't take
up half the bed at night.
- They are easy to
clean.
- If the ones you
are using get tired, you can switch to some of the others.
- They don't demand
acrobatics in bed.
- They don't want
to try out stuff they heard from friends.
- You can use them
to try out stuff *you* heard from friends without worrying about it
going horribly wrong.
- They don't look
worried when *you* want acrobatics in bed.
- Your fingers don't
give you bite-marks (Addition: unless you *like* bite-marks).
- You can share them
with a friend.
- Fingers don't cheat
on you.
- Fingers don't have
hidden wifes/girlfriends/husbands/boyfriends/children.
- Your fingers don't
yelp when you give them bite marks.
- For variety you
can paint them any colour you want.
- It's not suspicious
if you take them to the toilet with you.
- Since they come
on 2 hands, you can use them on 2 places at the same time.
- They write your
e-mail for you.
- You can use them
for netsex when company is required.
- They're compatible
with a wide range of leather goods and electrical appliances.
- No one ever fell
in love with their fingers.
- They'll change
the video channel for you.
- You can use them
to write down your fantasy and share it with people.
- They won't ask:
Am I the first?
- You can type with
them (although I'd rather like to see a man trying to type with *his*!).
- They won't be disgusted
when you have your period.
- They don't snore,
fart, burp or have smelly breath.
- They don't want
you to swallow.
- They don't whistle
after other, better-looking women or men.
- They don't care
if your hair is a mess.
- You don't have
to tell them how you'd like it.
- They don't brag
how great they are.
- They don't cost
you time, money or patience.
- They don't want
to know where you were last evening.
- Your friends don't
criticise them.
- Their friends don't
criticise you (fingers don't *have* friends).
- Afterwards, they
won't ask: "Did you cum?"
- They don't leave
you to sleep in the wet spot.
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