Lightbulb
Jokes
Q: How many Californians
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the
experience.
Q: How many Oregonians
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four more to chase off the Californians
who have come up to relate to the experience.
Q: How many New Yorkers
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: None of your damn business!
A2: 50. 50? Yeah, 50! It's in the contract.
Q: How many data base
people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program,One to write the
light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator
to make sure that nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.
Q: How many surrealists
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with
brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many gorillas
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
Q: How many psychologists
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many people
from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot
the witness.
Q: How many Generals/Politicians
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization
to the point where they need light bulbs again.
Q: How many students
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10: One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
Q: How many strong
students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 115: One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.
Q: How many student
gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
Q: How many Harvard
students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. He simply holds the bulb and the universe revolves around him.
Q: How many lawyers
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How many mystery
writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it
a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many existentialists
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself
symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld
of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many members
of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress,
I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove
his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator
long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down
into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with
a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has
driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity
is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and
return to the United States.
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