Lightbulb Jokes

Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: None of your damn business!
A2: 50. 50? Yeah, 50! It's in the contract.

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program,One to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

Q: How many Generals/Politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

Q: How many students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10: One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

Q: How many strong students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 115: One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

Q: How many student gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. He simply holds the bulb and the universe revolves around him.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.

Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.